Technical Support Request Form

In honor of the stupidity of others, I will now require all support requests to fill out and submit the following form.

1. Describe your problem.________________________________________________

2. Now, describe your problem accurately._____________________________________

3. Speculate wildly about the cause of the problem._______________________________

4. Problem severity:
a. Minor___ b. Minor___ c. Minor___ d. Trivial___

5. Nature of Problem:
a. Locked up___ b. Frozen___ c. Hung___ d. Shot___

6. Is your computer plugged in? yes___ no___

7. Is it turned on? yes___ no___

8. Have you tried to fix it yourself? yes___ no___

9. Have you made it worse? yes ___

10. Did you have a friend who "knows everything about computers" try to fix it for you?
yes___ no___

11. Did they make it even worse? yes___

12. Have you read the manual? yes___ no___

13. Are you sure you've read the manual? yes___ no___

14. Are you absolutely sure that you have read the manual? yes___ no___

15. Do you think you understood it? yes___ no___

16. If "yes" then why can't you fix the problem yourself? _________________________

17. What were you doing with your computer at the time the problem occurred?__________

18. If "nothing" explain why you were logged in._________________________________

19. Are you sure you aren't imagining the problem? yes___ no___

20. How does this problem make you feel?_____________________________________

21. Tell me about your childhood.___________________________________________

22. If you still have a VCR does the clock blink 12:00? yes___ no___

23. Do you have any electronic products that DO work? yes___ no___

24. Do you have any independent witnesses to the problem? yes___ no___

25. Is there anyone else you could blame this problem on? yes___ no___

26. Can you do something else instead of bothering me? YES___

***********

How fun would it be if I could actually have people fill forms like this out. Here is the conversation that I had that triggered this madness.

Nurse: I can't log in to the AcuDose. It says invalid log-in/password.
Me: Did you change your password before the upgrade like we asked?
Nurse: yes
Me: Is your password between 6-8 characters in length
Nurse: yes
Me: does is contain at least one letter or number
Nurse: yes
Me: Did you make sure the caps lock button was off
Nurse: yes
Me: How many characters does your password have?
Nurse: 9

Holy Mother Fucking Shit. Did I not ask her if her password was between 6-8 characters. I was totally dumbfounded that I actually looked around for cameras.

As a result of this phone call I have now developed a strange fear of phones and pagers and will require further therapy.

Rx Therapy

It is amazing how laughing at your own craziness can make you feel so much better. Ironically I had to walk down to the pharmacy department to get it. We spent our 1/2 dinner break just laughing at each other and ourselves. I am so glad that my friends have the same demented sense of humor that I do. Thanks guys I really needed that tonight. Love ya all!

What the hell is going on? Is the world spinning in the opposite direction. Everything is just fucked up!! My world and head have been in constant uproar since my past life regression session on Saturday night.

I really, really need some spiritual healing. I'm so glad Womongathering is only 50 days from now.

Whatever

Fuckers. Today I am just pissed off, annoyed, depressed, sad, confused, and concerned. I really have nothing else to say.

Just Breathe

Let me start by saying, I hate winter, it's dumb. I don't ski or anything like that. Why, because that's also dumb. Why should I pay someone to be cold. The warmer weather has arrived and I'm loving it. So now let me say, What the FUCK is up with my allergies??? I haven't been able to breathe out of my nose since 1990. Ok maybe that's exaggerating a little but I have been using Flonase every day for the past 5 years.

So what did I decide to do. Hey, I can't breathe so lets go mow the lawn. Yes, so now I'm out there sweating my ass off and unable to breathe out of my nose. Since I am breathing out of my mouth, my throat dries up and now I am unable to swallow. So now I look down and my shirt is wet. Not from sweating but from drooling. Hailie, who is getting 5 molars at once, has less drool on her shirt then I do. I have never felt more attractive in my entire life.

To top it all off, there is no more beer. Now I have to take my sweaty, drooling ass up to the store to get more.

FYI - If anyone finds my happy place could you please let me know.

How do use these??

Did you ever find yourself reading the back of packages for no known reason. Well next time you have the urge to do so, pick up a pack of men's underwear and read away. Listed on the back of the package were actual instructions on how to put them on. It stated as follows:
1. Put underwear over your feet
2. Pull them up over ankles and knees
3. Continue to pull them up over thighs to waist height

In case you haven't got it they were kind enough to put the same directions in Spanish under the first set of directions.

Are you fucking kidding me! What in the hell goes on here. Are you telling me that there is some poor bastard that got out of the shower and is just standing there because he is unsure how to approach his underwear?? Of course, these are the fucktards that I usually end up dating but anyway.

Now I am on a mission to find the dumbest and funniest package instructions.

Where do I begin?

During a recent conversation with a friend, I was told that I had a lot to say. Is she right? Most likely. Is this what she had in mind? Probably not but who fucking cares.

It's not that I have any problem whatsoever speaking what is on my mind. In fact that's what usually gets me into trouble. I am told that I am blunt and straight to the point. Odd, I call it being honest. My question, what the hell is wrong with that??? I'll admit that the thoughts in my head shoot right out of my mouth before I have a chance to think about it or even stop it if necessary. My goal is not to purposely hurt someones feelings but seriously, pull up your big girl pants and suck it up. The truth hurts. My feelings get hurt as well. You have to learn to deal with what is being said and consider it advice. Use it to make you a stronger person. Think about it.

On a side note.... The weather is getting warmer which means picnics, beer drinking, and Harley rides. Okay, well the beer drinking happens year round. Anyway, warmer weather also means summer clothing. Ugh, I really need to get my fat ass back to the gym.